I wanted to see what's inside of me, and I saw the world staring right back.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Moving On.
3:11am. Minutes ago. I just got off the phone with my life partner Harry who has paid our mutual friend Paolo, a much appreciated visit. Paolo is a flight steward from Emirates Airlines who’ve flown so often back to Singapore (where I, and a lot of his friends, are based) and Manila where his family is. We always thought this was a great privilege from a very good profession that not only pays well, but also affords him the means to travel and witness all the places of this world. But all the world that means to Paolo, is with his family. This visit to Manila this time, was to witness his father pass into the next life to meet the Maker.
Despite belonging to a gregarious circle like ours, Paolo has always maintained that quiet demeanor about him, that both beguiled us and endeared him to us. When he stayed at my Singapore home for a week recently, we spent more time commiserating with each other than ever since we met just a little more than a year ago. In that short period, I learned of his dreams of better days for his family, his ailing mother whose spirit fights like the North Wind, his love life that posed so many questions. He is stationed in Dubai half the month, and flies everywhere else in the world during the other half, and his concept of Home has changed so much since he began work as flight crew last year. And through all the visits here, and the parties, and the quiet talks, all we gleaned from Paolo was this clear resolve to make it through these trials, and emerge beautiful and new as he closes chapter after chapter of his life. It’s possible that I just haven’t realized how much strength lives in his soul. I hadn’t mentioned to him how admirable his resilience is.
No one, I realize too, is exempt from these trials. There are people whose days are spent seeing themselves through all sorts – jobs that make them miserable, people who misjudge them, and dreams that never come true. And while God and His Presence in our lives are usually enough to alleviate the pain somewhat, there is this part that we ourselves have to carry out. There is a consciousness that we have to open our minds to. There is a truth that we have to open our hearts to. All the other religions and faiths on Earth have a concept of it. Some of us understand it, well enough, we think. Some have a skin-deep grasp. Most of us don’t bother to acknowledge it until a time comes, like a painful break-up with a partner, or the loss of precious property, or the demise of a beloved father.
Change. The only thing that IS constant.
Things happen. The world spins. People change. The reason so many faiths and schools of thought acknowledge the immutable power of the Now is that change is always upon us. We are now taught, not to hold on to anything, but just observe and experience things mindfully. We are supposed to just embrace these things as they come, learn all we can from them, and then, let go. The learning part is very important because that is how we avoid the lashes of the future, in whatever form it takes. It’s what builds our spirit. It’s what makes us grow, in strength, and in knowledge, which IS strength. Strength is what all of us pray for before sleeping at night. We will it for ourselves by taking hold of the present moment, which is all we have in our grip. Past and future, what happened before and what will be from Now, are just illusions that we cannot touch. Within this moment, we can tell ourselves, “It’s OK, I’ll move on,” and it’ll start us off to healing. We can think about the best things that happened to us and celebrate the fact that we had them. We look forward to the great things that will happen from today, because of good decisions, good friends, and good intentions. Strengthening the Self must be so all-important, because for us to survive this tumult called “life”, we need to realize that there are many things and people in this world that we have absolutely no control over…we only really HAVE ourselves.
We only have ourselves, and Now.
Knowing this, what can we possibly do to make the tumult more tolerable? The lessons are glaringly common lines of action, but their ends will surprise us. Make that phone call and say “sorry” to someone you’ve wronged, deliberately or not. Hug your brother today and tell him how much you appreciate his love. Teach a child a new fact about the sciences of this world. Help paint a mural for a school for autistic kids. Send some letters of cheer and paperback novels to soldiers stationed in the Middle East. Take a walk by the river you always pass on the way to work, but this time, stop and see how serenely the morning sunlight gleams on the calming flow, from the city out to the sea. Take your life partner and tell him or her about how the world has changed for you since you met, and how it just keeps getting better and happier by the passing day. Enjoy things while they last. It’s really more than just romance. I’m writing this from the top of my head, half eluding sleep, and half hoping I’d get enough of it so I’ll be alert at the office tomorrow (actually, later this morning). But it’s something I know, I would like to express, now.
Yes, it’s in the books. But how much of that idea really shakes our mind, like the death of someone we love. It may be that I wrote this now because for some remotely possible reason, I may not live to see today’s sunrise, and I wish for this missive to reach Paolo, Harry, my friends, my family, and whomever my thoughts had any value to. I know someday, I’ll need to surrender my life, let go of my belongings, my relationships, my ideas a few more times, before I move on to the next life. And I believe there is a Next. So for now, I’ll hug it for a while. And then, like my eyes enjoying the last few seconds of sunset in the dusk horizon, I will let go, and just wait for the next twilight.
4:45am, 25 June 2004
Singapore
3:11am. Minutes ago. I just got off the phone with my life partner Harry who has paid our mutual friend Paolo, a much appreciated visit. Paolo is a flight steward from Emirates Airlines who’ve flown so often back to Singapore (where I, and a lot of his friends, are based) and Manila where his family is. We always thought this was a great privilege from a very good profession that not only pays well, but also affords him the means to travel and witness all the places of this world. But all the world that means to Paolo, is with his family. This visit to Manila this time, was to witness his father pass into the next life to meet the Maker.
Despite belonging to a gregarious circle like ours, Paolo has always maintained that quiet demeanor about him, that both beguiled us and endeared him to us. When he stayed at my Singapore home for a week recently, we spent more time commiserating with each other than ever since we met just a little more than a year ago. In that short period, I learned of his dreams of better days for his family, his ailing mother whose spirit fights like the North Wind, his love life that posed so many questions. He is stationed in Dubai half the month, and flies everywhere else in the world during the other half, and his concept of Home has changed so much since he began work as flight crew last year. And through all the visits here, and the parties, and the quiet talks, all we gleaned from Paolo was this clear resolve to make it through these trials, and emerge beautiful and new as he closes chapter after chapter of his life. It’s possible that I just haven’t realized how much strength lives in his soul. I hadn’t mentioned to him how admirable his resilience is.
No one, I realize too, is exempt from these trials. There are people whose days are spent seeing themselves through all sorts – jobs that make them miserable, people who misjudge them, and dreams that never come true. And while God and His Presence in our lives are usually enough to alleviate the pain somewhat, there is this part that we ourselves have to carry out. There is a consciousness that we have to open our minds to. There is a truth that we have to open our hearts to. All the other religions and faiths on Earth have a concept of it. Some of us understand it, well enough, we think. Some have a skin-deep grasp. Most of us don’t bother to acknowledge it until a time comes, like a painful break-up with a partner, or the loss of precious property, or the demise of a beloved father.
Change. The only thing that IS constant.
Things happen. The world spins. People change. The reason so many faiths and schools of thought acknowledge the immutable power of the Now is that change is always upon us. We are now taught, not to hold on to anything, but just observe and experience things mindfully. We are supposed to just embrace these things as they come, learn all we can from them, and then, let go. The learning part is very important because that is how we avoid the lashes of the future, in whatever form it takes. It’s what builds our spirit. It’s what makes us grow, in strength, and in knowledge, which IS strength. Strength is what all of us pray for before sleeping at night. We will it for ourselves by taking hold of the present moment, which is all we have in our grip. Past and future, what happened before and what will be from Now, are just illusions that we cannot touch. Within this moment, we can tell ourselves, “It’s OK, I’ll move on,” and it’ll start us off to healing. We can think about the best things that happened to us and celebrate the fact that we had them. We look forward to the great things that will happen from today, because of good decisions, good friends, and good intentions. Strengthening the Self must be so all-important, because for us to survive this tumult called “life”, we need to realize that there are many things and people in this world that we have absolutely no control over…we only really HAVE ourselves.
We only have ourselves, and Now.
Knowing this, what can we possibly do to make the tumult more tolerable? The lessons are glaringly common lines of action, but their ends will surprise us. Make that phone call and say “sorry” to someone you’ve wronged, deliberately or not. Hug your brother today and tell him how much you appreciate his love. Teach a child a new fact about the sciences of this world. Help paint a mural for a school for autistic kids. Send some letters of cheer and paperback novels to soldiers stationed in the Middle East. Take a walk by the river you always pass on the way to work, but this time, stop and see how serenely the morning sunlight gleams on the calming flow, from the city out to the sea. Take your life partner and tell him or her about how the world has changed for you since you met, and how it just keeps getting better and happier by the passing day. Enjoy things while they last. It’s really more than just romance. I’m writing this from the top of my head, half eluding sleep, and half hoping I’d get enough of it so I’ll be alert at the office tomorrow (actually, later this morning). But it’s something I know, I would like to express, now.
Yes, it’s in the books. But how much of that idea really shakes our mind, like the death of someone we love. It may be that I wrote this now because for some remotely possible reason, I may not live to see today’s sunrise, and I wish for this missive to reach Paolo, Harry, my friends, my family, and whomever my thoughts had any value to. I know someday, I’ll need to surrender my life, let go of my belongings, my relationships, my ideas a few more times, before I move on to the next life. And I believe there is a Next. So for now, I’ll hug it for a while. And then, like my eyes enjoying the last few seconds of sunset in the dusk horizon, I will let go, and just wait for the next twilight.
4:45am, 25 June 2004
Singapore
